“May the light of your soul bless you work
with love and warmth of heart.
May you see in what you do the beauty of your soul.
May the sacredness of you work bring light and renewal
to those who work with you and
to those who see and receive your work.
May your work never exhaust you.
May it release wellsprings of refreshment,
inspiration and excitement.
May you never become lost in bland absences.
May the day never burden.
May dawn find hope in your heart,
approaching your new day with dreams,
possibilities and promises.
May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.
May you go into the night blessed,
sheltered and protected.
May your soul calm, console and renew you.”
From the book “To Bless This Space Between Us” by John O' Donohue
I've been keeping busy reading the blogs being kept by the Bangladesh team(they start their return trip tomorrow) and our group in preparation for our trip. The World Vision site still doesn't seem to be working quite right yet, and so people have been posting to their private blogs. I'm feeling quite out of my depth with such inspired writers, most who seem able to express their feelings, bare their souls, with such feeling and humility. I guess I'm feeling that I should be brave like the others, and bare my soul a bit about the change I have found in myself since returning from South Africa.
I suppose the most notable difference, to me, has been the feeling of being more "mellow". Whereas, before I left last year, I would find myself becoming impatient with things, especially with drivers and traffic, I can now sit (fairly) calmly in my car and watch the antics of those road rage drivers swerving in and out and think nothing more than,'if your so impatient, then please be my guest and go ahead' that is as long as they are not putting others at risk. The same goes for grocery shopping, letting cars into line, you know the things that rude people tend to do, and it just doesn't bother me quite as much anymore. I have gained a lot of self confidence that I never had before, especially with being able to talk to more than 1 person at a time. I was always good with that, one on one, I could 'talk the hind leg off a horse', as the old saying goes, but would go into panic mode at the very idea of speaking in front of a group. That's getting a little easier every time. I've found the saying 'In the grander scheme of things' to be a favorite lately. Do we really need this new object, or to replace that? 'In the grander scheme of things' it's not really important, there are better things to use money, time and emotions on. Knowing families like Nikki's who have tot travel 4 hours to get water, I now try and be more conservative with the amounts I use, and try to be even more faithful to my re-cycling. I have noticed that most of our group are concerned with what kind of culture shock will hit them when we arrive. I didn't find that a problem last year, but this year may be different as I think Zambia may be quite different. Last year we were able to get to supermarkets, strip malls and even get lattes, but as we will be staying within the ADP this year and I've no idea how big Kalomo is, I may find things a little more difficult. Such as, I've discovered our Guest House showers have no privacy, no doors, curtains etc. and the favorite food in Zambia is some sort of paste like substance that they seem to eat at every meal! That may take some getting use to! But still, maybe it's the age gap or that we were not a well off family growing up and did without a lot of things that the 'younger' generation take for granted. Not that we were really poor, but there were times that were difficult; using tissue paper (you know, that we stuff in gift bags) for toilet tissue, having to stand over the heat register in the mornings while getting dressed, so as not to freeze to death, making toast in the fireplace during the many power outages, things like that. It will remain to be seen, but I don't feel anxious about anything, it will all be a very great adventure. I think the biggest impact for me has been volunteering at the different events and the wonderful feeling of fulfillment I get when I am able to get a child sponsored. To know first hand the difference that that sponsorship will make to that child and to the whole community. But in a way, it's also very selfish, because I experience such a feeling of momentous goodwill.
There you go, that's my first experience at trying to open up my inner feelings, more than I am usually capable of doing. Hard work for me. Being brought up to 'grin and bear it', 'put a bandage on it', or just the fact that the family never really discussed feelings, I've always had a hard time to let it out.
So now after reading back on what I have written, have I really opened up all that much? I think this will be a work in progress, but I think it's something I want to learn to do with a little more ease. Maybe it will bring even more inner peace, that 'mellow feeling'.
Here are links to some of the blogs, if you would like to take the time to read them.
http://chrismschroeder.wordpress.com/http://zchristy.wordpress.com/
http://zacolin.wordpress.com/
http://aberryinbangladesh.blogspot.com/
http://www.lilysworld.ca/
http://donnasjourneys.wordpress.com/
So, those should keep you busy reading for a while!
3 comments:
beautifully written Donna. Coming from same family tree I know from where you are coming from in sharing. It is hard to do, but the main thing is to think of what help & encouragement your 'sharing of feelings & experiences' may do for another in similar 'place' What we share just might be what that person needs to hear to help them get through whatever they are facing in life.
I just want to say- keep on writing Donna. Don't worry about what or how you write. Who you are will always resonate with people who come from the same type of background. Whats so neat about the cross section of people going on this project is that someone out there is likely to understand or identify with at least one of our styles and personalities.
I agree with Colin - find your own voice and be yourself. Your blog wouldn't be authentic any other way. :)
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